Hello!
I thought about writing a blog over the past couple of months, but have finally decided to sit down and type some stuff out.
Let's back up to early October and the reason why I finally decided to do something like this. The actual reason is to keep all my friends up to date on the exciting adventure that is unfolding. It's also a therapeutic way of journalling all this for my own sanity! I never thought this was a journey that I would take, because I never thought I'd get any information to take that first step. But not only has it happened, those steps are many and reach into the sky!
This journey is that of re-connecting with my birth family. I have to say though, I find it odd and awkward to say "re-connecting" since I have no memory of my birth mom, being surrendered at birth, and because no one knew about me, I remained her secret until the first Monday in October. I feel she is the only one who is really re-connecting.
I have never been one to dwell on the fact I was adopted, I had awesome parents and was never made to feel anything but special since they had chosen me. I always knew I was adopted, it was never a big deal. When I was a young child and people would tell me that I looked like my dad, he and I would have a good laugh about it. Of course I was curious, but it was never a burning desire to know more.
When my mom passed away, and I was looking through her personal papers, I found my adoption order. I had always known my name had been Joanne, but here was my full name at birth, Joanne Mary Gautreau. I had never even heard of the last name Gautreau before. I had known I came from a French background, always had assumed Quebec. I got on the internet and found that the majority of Gautreau's were in New Brunswick and New Orleans...funny, I have always really wanted to go to New Orleans... I received first my non-identifying info from the Ontario government, then when the law changed and adoption records were opened, I received my original birth certificate. It not only had my birth mother's name on it, but also the fact that I was her SECOND child... confirmation that for the first time ever, I was no longer an only child. I also found out that she told no one, not even my birth father, that she was pregnant, she left New Brunswick for Toronto to have me...
This is how it sat for a while...until one of my son Steve's friends, Kate, said her mother helps people with adoption searches. They also have roots in New Brunswick... So I sent Heather my info and she posted on a couple of search sites. Thank you Heather!
Nothing for a year...didn't give it much thought, didn't expect anything to happen. Until that Monday morning in October. An e-mail from Heather, forwarding an e-mail from a birth cousin, Denise. Another b-cousin, Claude, found one of Heather's postings with his aunt's maiden name on it, and forwarded my info to Denise, who asked her mom...my b-aunt. She confirmed that yes, this was her sister, my b-mom, and she had left home for a while in 1960 and while her sisters suspected why, no one ever asked her.
I replied to Denise, who then sent me photos of Irene, my birth-mom, and my half sister, Joanne. Yes, she named her first daughter, born after she married, the same thing she named me. And the other ironic thing in this, my mom was also named Irene...it was her middle name, but the name she went by all her life. I have two mothers, both named Irene, and one of those Irenes, has two daughters named Joanne.
A whole lot of Darrel's going on here!! (if you don't get that joke, you're too young, ask your parents about Newhart). I have another half-sister, named Darlene. None of them, nor Irene's husband, know about me. And get this, Irene wasn't one of six, like my non-identifying info stated, she was one of SIXTEEN! My grandfather had 16 kids (his first wife had 6, she passed away, he remarried and my grandmother had 10 more!) My grandfather had 77 grandchildren!!
Honestly, I don't remember the first week of October. I was an emotional roller coaster, a total blur. We escaped to Niagara On The Lake to my wonderful friend Susi and her husband Steve's home and she pampered me, and entertained us and gave me a weekend away from everything that I so needed... God's timing is perfect and if I would have been hit with all this AFTER we came back from that weekend away, I don't know how I would have coped. Love you girl!!!
Denise has been such a blessing. She has sent me photos. She knows who my birth father is. She has sent me a photo of his son, my half brother with his newborn twins. I call them my neiphews, can't tell if they are boys or girls. B-dad has three kids, I don't know what gender the other two are, but now I know I have 2 half sisters, two half brothers, (the older one Irene had before me, also a boy, also adopted, I have applied for a search for him through the New Brunswick gov't) and two unknown at this point...Denise knows who he is, but not a lot about him. I do have a photo of him, taken around the time he and my b-mom were dating. I have a photo of another cousin, John and his two boys...who could be Steven's brothers, they look that much alike. I see a photo of my b-mom at 80 and 81 (she will be 82 in Jan and going strong!) and I know what I will look like if I am blessed to live that long. NO denying the resemblance!! My friends have seen a photo of Joanne a few years ago and ask if it was me when I was younger.
Irene has said she will likely tell her family about me after Christmas. She is scared that they will be angry, I am, after all, her 52 year old secret. She didn't tell ANYONE, although her sisters suspected...no one asked, no one knew... I feel so sorry for her, holding this in all these years. They knew about my older half-brother... I guess everyone is allowed one "mistake". It's funny, I was the same age as she when I had Steven. And when people asked why I didn't have more, I said jokingly "you can only get away with immaculate conception once in my family". I didn't know how true that was!
I don't expect to become someone's sister or daughter at the age of 52. It would be nice to meet them all, even just once. It would be nice to visit once in a while. It would be nice if we have things in common and it would be nice if we can have fun together, laugh a lot, like I like to do. They are far away, and that is probably a good thing. No forced expectations that would be uncomfortable or odd. No worry about running into them on the street.
I was an only child. Now I am the second of 7. By birth I am pure Acadian. By adoption I am Acadian and French-North Ontario/Scottish. But I am Canadian through and through. I may never meet any or all of them and that is okay. I know more now than I ever did and if this all stopped tomorrow, I would be good with that. Every adoptee has a different journey, some never take that first step because it's not important to them. Some have to know. I was only curious, and have been blessed beyond belief.
Oh, and to all you Christian music fans out there, Denise's first cousin on her dad's side...is Paul Beloche... so besides a journey of discovery, a dash of WAY COOL!!! :)
Denise and her mom may phone me Christmas Eve, if the busyness of the evening allows. Another first! Besides Steven of course, I have never heard the voice of a person I have a blood relation to.
To me this isn't "two families", one birth, one adoption, it's all MY family, it's just how close the relationships end up that will be the variables. But isn't that the way with all families and relationships?
I have cousins now that I am very close too, even though not geographically, I love it when we manage to spend time together. I have cousins that I don't even get a Christmas card from. No bitter feelings, we just aren't that close.
So that is the synopsis of all that has happened to throw some major adventure in my life in the past few months; and more is yet to come!
The ride's not over yet! Hopefully, once I'm no longer a secret, I can post photos, names, and details of trips and meetings yet to come.
Have a wonderful Christmas everyone! Stay safe and hug everyone twice as long and twice as hard! Hugs are free, but their warmth last forever!
N.
